he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I wear drunk well.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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