I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
