Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
