Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
