P.S. I can't hear my feet
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
