just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
