And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
