I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
