I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
