At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
