1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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