Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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