id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
