Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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