Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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