I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
