The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Ambien. No doubt about it.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
