At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
