I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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