soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize