weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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