If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
