absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
