BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
