If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
