I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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