Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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