he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
