So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
