Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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