Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
