I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
