Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(970): View more from Colorado

I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now

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(469): View more from Texas

She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party

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(516): View more from New York

My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm

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(816): View more from Missouri

If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco

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(908): View more from New Jersey

You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over

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(336): View more from North Carolina

The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.

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