My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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