Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize