and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
you inspire me to be a worse person
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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