I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
