You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
