you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
