Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize