I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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