I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
