The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
why is half of my head shaved?
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