I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
