Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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