kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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