I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
