Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize