I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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