Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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