So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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