youre lurking in front of me
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
