based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
