Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I forgot how hot balto sounded
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize