I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
