I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
