Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
