Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
