I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
