I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
