what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
