thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
