I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
