His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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