You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
