this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
