Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
