'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
