...so i touched it.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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