im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
