i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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