I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
