im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
