If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
