Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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