I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
